This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
