he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
