Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
