Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Houston, we have a squirter
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
