i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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