Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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