plz talk dirty to me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
