This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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