"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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