If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
