wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
