Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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