barbara walters just said penis...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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