I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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