No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
