Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
