She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
