Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
