bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
