six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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