I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
