i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
