did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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