Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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