ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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