i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize