I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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