I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
