your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
