I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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