Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
