You're so nebulous sometimes
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
