Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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