Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The ass gains better be worth it
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