No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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