Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize