I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
