went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
