Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
