Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize