Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
