Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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