I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
