am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
