What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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