I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
