my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
