why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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