i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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