I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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