Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
