the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
