so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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