My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
