he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
