..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
