wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
