I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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