So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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