I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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