I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
