i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
