I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
