Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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