So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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